When I learned of Steve's passing, my first thought was, "What happened?" What caused him to pass? Was he in an accident? Was he sick? I am honestly not sure what happened, not that it matters because he's gone just the same, and I feel sad about that even though I'm sure he's in Heaven. In fact, I kept picturing him as I remember him with a glow, happy tears running down his face, and the hugest smile as he met Jesus face to face. We grew up together. I attended Kilgore Heights Elementary for Kindergarten and 1st grade and then attended Sabine from 2nd grade till graduation. A lot of us in the small class grew up together. When you live in a small town or community, you form a familial bond whether you want to or not. Honestly, Steve and I weren't close friends, but we weren't enemies either. We were classmates and acquaintances. I looked through my yearsbooks and senior memory book to see if he'd even signed any of them. He had not. I did find passages from a couple of other classmates who had passed, and tears sprang to my eyes. They passed away in the 90s...now so long ago. I even found one from a friend's former boyfriend who told me, "You're cute, but you need to work on it a lot." How sweet! (sarcasm) JERK! Oh well, I digress. Some of our classmates were able to attend Steve's funeral services. I was not as it was in my hometown in East Texas, and I'm in Katy and had to work. With the luxury of technology, I was able to watch Steve's service online as it was streamed live from the funeral home. I'm a pet sitter, and believe it or not, I was walking a dog while I was watching the service. Who would have thought we'd have that level of technolgoy 34 years ago??? Crazy! While watching the service, I learned a couple of things I never knew about Steve. One, that he was a very talented artist. And two, he was a master at movie trivia. It sunk in how little I really knew Steve. Those that did attend the service said it was sad and surreal. None of us could believe he was gone. It really bothered me that he had passed. He had died. He was gone. I didn't have a crush on him. Well, ok there was that time in 5th grade, but...He and I never dated. We weren't close friends. So why was I taking his death so hard? I was sad at the untimely deaths of our other classmates....Vickie, Bobbie Jean, and Jason....but this one hit hard. Why? His mother was my 8th grade Math teacher, and I really felt for her, but that wasn't it. I kept coming back to the time thing. So much time had passed. Other than our 10th and 25th class reunions, I don't think I'd ever seen him when I was in town. I remember visiting with him and others at one classmate's house after our 10th reunion. I remember seeing him in the parking lot of the venue at our 25th reunion. We said "hello" and hugged. Time. So much time even since then. We weren't teenagers anymore. Hell, we'd breezed through our 20s, 30s, and 40s like time was standing still. Hello to our 50s! 50s???? Weren't we JUST sitting in class begging for the bell to ring so we could get the hell outta there? Yes and no. I guess that's what bothers me. We're in our 50s. I'M in MY 50s. If I'm lucky, I'll make it to my 60s, 70s, 80s...IF I'm lucky. Also, Steve was only 13 days older than me. If it can happen to him, it can happy to me. As we get older, we face our mortality. When we're young and dumb, we think we're going to live forever. As we age and lose family, friends, coworkers, and classmates, we realize that's not true, and Death doesn't discriminate due to our age. That can be scary to face. Another thing I mentioned before about community is that in Texas, especially East Texas, we work hard, we play hard, and we love big. When someone in your community passes away, the whole community feels the loss. There's just something special about Texas, and in my opinion, especially East Texas. There's a lot of talent in the music and motion picture industries that hails from that area. There are major award winners. I don't know if there's something in the air or the soil or a combination of many elements, but it's just a special place. No matter where I lay my head, no matter where I may roam, East Texas will always be my home.
I feel for his family. His parents (I mentioned his mother was my 8th grade Math teacher, right?), his wife of nearly 30 years, his daughters, and his grandson. I knew he was married and had daughters. When I learned of the grandson, my heart became sank even lower. That baby will most likely not remember him, and subsequent grandchildren will never get to meet him. However, I'm sure his family will keep his memory alive by regaling hundreds, if not thousands, of stories about him.
One thing I remember from the after party from our 10th reunion is Steve talking about how Jason's death had affected him. He said that upon hearing about Jason, he was in such shock, he had to take a minute and sit out on the back porch with a beer to process it all. Well, I'm sure there are many who felt the same way about Steve's passing as it also came with such a shock.
Fly high, my fellow Sabine Cardinal classmate of 1989! May you rest in peace. I wish I had gotten to know you better. You were one cool dude!
This is something I wrote on April 13, 1995 @ 3:41 AM after a visit from a childhood friend and classmate:
"As I keep myself awake tonight looking through this yearbook, I reflect back on when we were Seniors SIX years ago!!! I cannot believe that so many, yet so few years have gone by. In that amount of time, many of us are married, have children, have careers, have educated ourselves to become who we are or are in the process of doing so. However, I must admit that I grow teary-eyed when I realize that life is here, and I cry most when I become homesick for old friends and teachers, especially those that have passed on. I am awed at how fast life can be taken away from us, and I also am fearfully aware of how precious life really is. Sabine may have been small, but it was home, and no one can make a mockery of that. I really am flooded by an array of emotions as I sit here and reminisce about old times, old friends. What happened? Where did the time go? Personally, I had 2 babies and earned a degree in Psychology and am currently working on a M.S. in Counseling and Guidance from East Texas State Univeristy (now Texas A&M University-Commerce). I will be ever so joyful when the time comes that I am no longer a student who survives on student loans but a career mom and contemporary woman in today's world. (I'm a pet sitter and pick up shit for a living so yeah...) I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be part of a small class because I think we were very close--maybe not on a 1:1 ratio but overall. I think as the time got closer to leave, some of the horrendous foes we thought we had, we realized these people were our family, too. We all grew up together, and regardless of how we felt, deep down inside we were close. I don't think young people in other high schools of the 4A/5A proportion ever have the experience of being cohesive as we were. Until I am more awake and can think more clearly and write morer legibly, I will expire my pen for the morning hour."
